This took me years to figure out, when it should have been plainly obvious.
This page cites large-scale studies of the astrology of successful heterosexual marriages. Among the many data points to come of of the research, a consistent activation of the husband's Pallas by planets and angles on the wife's chart appears.
Pallas rules practical intelligence, problem-solving, logic, skill, and ethics. The question I asked myself was: "why would a man seek a partner who activates his Pallas?". This was based on an unconscious (and arguably sexist) assumption.
The real question I should have asked is: "why would a woman seek a partner whose Pallas is activated by her chart?". The answer, I now believe, is: because Pallas rules the (libertarian) non-aggression principle (the majority of posts on this blog present evidence for this). The last time I checked, spousal physical abuse was still rampant, and men were still generally physically stronger than women. If the wife's chart activates the husband's non-aggression switch, abuse of the wife by the husband would seem much less likely.